Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
