It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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