hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
