I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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