i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
where does the pee come out of this thing
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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