If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
