Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
