I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
