she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
