I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
