He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
