For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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