haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
