Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
