this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
