I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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