you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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