Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
