Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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