ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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