hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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