sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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