Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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