Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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