Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
