since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
