At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
