he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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