Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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