well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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