I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
