Define "chronic" masturbator.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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