I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
