I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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