I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
