Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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