You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Randomize
