i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
