it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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