and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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