i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
