I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
