sorry about calling you the devil all night.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
