You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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