I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
