I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
