he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
