U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
