I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
