I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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