The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
