I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
