I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
